Hello everyone and welcome to the Pearl Forte blog and podcast.
Have you ever had a plan not go according to the plan? If you have then perhaps you can agree that sometimes it is a hard pill to swallow.
The hard pill to swallow comes in different sizes and dozes and it’s never one uncomfortable event only it’s always at a least a few after each other ….and sometimes its a bit much for the soul to take.
Have you ever had a relationship start out well and somehow very quickly have it crumble because you realize that there is a lot of differences? And with that realization comes a lot of fights and the next thing you know you are considering separating from that special individual? Well I have and multiple times…and reflecting back I must say there were at least a couple of main ingredients missing in those decisions:
1- decisions were made when anxiety was high and emotions weren’t processed
2- communication was low, we didn’t talk to be understood we talked for the sake of talking, mainly in self defense, this means it was a battle of who was right…its ok to justify things but its not ok to try and force the other person to agree with your reasons
3- we never looked at what mattered the most to us, we forgot our values and what we thought made us compatible, but mostly we forgot to give space for conversations where we could be ourself without judgements and have space for acceptance
This reflection was inspired from a number of events including a couple I work with that really want to make their marriage work but struggle because they also forgot the main ingredients of a good relationship
When was the last time you accepted rejection for what it is? When was the last time you met someone that you really wanted to get to know and they didn’t seem interested, and instead of walking away you held on to signs and interpretations from friends and family on what their actions and words could mean, and that somehow attached you more to the story and potential of the individual rather than the person themself?
What happens then? Breaking free from the attachment becomes THE actual heartbreak because in reality the relationship itself was really one-sided and we start to grief… here’s the thing, even though there was no relationship the grief is real and so are your feelings. What isn’t real is the reality of that person because we never got to know how they really are and what its like to really be with them in the relationship we wanted, accepting and understanding that our reality was always different from the story we invested in can be very helpful to detach…
The reality is on one hand and the story is on the other, is it hard though to accept that someone you love and wanted didn’t choose you or chose someone else? Absolutely! Its a very hard pill to swallow especially if you feel misled, but often we let ourself be misled because we know deep down that if we had to lay it out on the tablet we would walk away empty handed … so we delay the pain and try to change the reality and end up being more attached to the story.
Lets talk transparency for a minute, what does transparency look like? I don’t like hiding information in an intimate relationship, I like clarity and being thorough because information is power…but we can abuse that power when we hide information to manipulate someone but there is a limit to how long the truth can be hidden, eventually it all comes out, and the difference between being straight forward and hiding it intentionally is that you end up tangling yourself in bad energy, bad karma and your stories will not add up over time (and that never makes you looks good) there is more power in the truth than people realize, and it takes a lot of energy in hiding the truth because it will consume more of you than ever intended.
Leveling up is painful, its a hard pill to swallow when you realize that what you want, who you want and where you want to be is not for you, but it hurts a lot more to stay attached and insist on what is not working to work than to accept the truth because wanting what and who can’t be yours is self-destruction over time.
Podcast link: https://open.spotify.com/episode/1hezYod9H50wzytCQ6sLxr?si=BXDAzidWRzadk_i17uKeXw